1 week until my 5K

I’ve been running for about 10 years now.  But, I could never get past the 2 mile mark for the longest time.  I try and try, but my chest tightens up, phlegm starts to build up in my chest, and I start coughing. I find it hard to go on.

2 months after Maxwell was born, I decided that I was going to run a 5K.  I started running, and the same thing happened.  But, come a few months later, I decided that I was going to do it, no matter what, and I registered for the Princess 5K at Disney.  I’d have a year after Maxwell’s birth to get it.  I found that, once I hit the wall, even stopping didn’t matter.  The coughing actually got worse when I stopped.  So, one day, I just kept running, through the pain … through the inability to breath.  And, surprising enough, after a half mile, it got a little easier.  I finished my first 5K.  When I got home and sat down, I still felt like I was going to die.  I coughed all day long.  I could barely pick up my kids, I was so weak.

Then, 3 months ago, we moved to San Antonio.  It’s harder here to run.  The hills are just too much.  I haven’t been able to run a full 5K since we moved here.  I have to walk up the bigger hills, but my pace has been close to an acceptable pace over-all.  I’m just very nervous about next week.  Plus, the benefits I was hoping for when I started this haven’t come true.

I’ve now run/walked a 5k, once a week for the past few months  now.  Do I feel better?  No.  Am I healthier?  No.  I’m actually less healthy.  Since I started running, I’ve gained 10 pounds for each mile that I added.  So, in the past 4 months, I’ve gained 20 pounds!  Does my daughter see someone she can be proud of?  No.  In fact, on my last run, while I was pushing the 60 pound stroller up the huge hill, coughing, she said to me, “Mommy, why are you going so slow?  Why aren’t you running?”

So, I’m 1 week from my 5K.  I still don’t know if I’ll be able to finish, or if the “your going too slow” cart will pick me up part way through the run.  I need to finish.  I need to see my daughter’s face as I cross the finish line.  I need my husband to be proud of me for finishing.

But what next?  The reason I started this was to get healthier.  But, 20 extra pounds later that hasn’t happened.  I couldn’t imagine pushing myself further and gaining more weight. What’s my new goal? I’ll keep you posted when I figure it out.  I’m open to any suggestions, especially from my fitness friends!

Contemplating returning to work

When I had my daughter, there was no question. I couldn’t imagine leaving her all day.  I quit my job in an instant.  Now, 4 years later, I still feel the same way, but there are other factors that have me here today.

We recently moved to San Antonio.  So, now we have a mortgage to pay as well as rent.  Things are more expensive here than what they were in Orlando.  We have a nest egg that is going to slowly dwindle away to nothing if we don’t do something. And, there is a job opening up at the company Jeremy works for that would be perfect for me.

Maxwell is only 1 year old.  The thought of putting him in day care tears me apart.  I would probably cry for the first month at the office.  Jade is 4 and starting full-time preschool in the fall.  She is having such a hard time to adjusting to everything already, that me leaving all day would be very hard on her too.

I know we could make it work.  I know I would get through it.  I know the kids would adapt.  They are strong.  And, we would be making enough money to be able to focus on family time on the weekends.  I’d greatly appreciate any thoughts from my readers.  What would you do?  What do you suggest I do?

Happy Birthday to me!

Well, I’m another year older!  I’m not one of those people who is afraid of getting older. I love my birthday.  How did this one go?

I’m 38 years old, just 2 years away from the big 4-0, and my husband will not let me forget it.  But, I’m not bothered by that.  Everyone has to get older. But, luckily, I have 2 very small children that keep me very young.  I don’t feel 38.  I don’t feel old (well, except for the aches and pains).

This year was tough.  Back in Florida, I had just started to get some real friends over the last few years.  I had people who were there for me when I needed them, who would call me to do things.  But, just 2 1/2 months ago, we moved away, to San Antonio, TX, where we know nobody.  So, this birthday, there was no dinner with friends, there was no party. I started to feel sad.  I got 6 phone calls and 4 texts.  1 friend called.  None of those friends I thought I had in Orlando called or even texted me.  None of them sent a card.  I got Facebook posts from them, but when you are someone’s friend, you would think a text message would be sent.

I at least have 2 wonderful children and 1 amazing husband.  They took very good care of me on my birthday. I am so lucky to have them.