Thursday, November 5, 2015

When it feels like nothing is going your way

I'm sitting here on a Thursday afternoon, wondering why I feel like this.  I am down ... really down.  The only thing I can think of is that it has been a bad week.

First, this is always an off week, with daylight savings time ending on Sunday.  Everyone's schedules are all off.  Both kids and the husband are both up way too early every day and that throws off my schedule.  I can't comfortably get my daughter ready for school and prepare myself for the boys, when they are both up before I leave to take her.  My whole day is thrown askew.

Next, my daughter is testing me, or feeling needy or something because on Tuesday, she decided she wasn't going to do what she was told.  So, when I took away her kindle because she refused to put her clothes away, she screamed at me.  I'm not talking a little yell, or her typical humph.  She outright screamed and cried because I wouldn't give her the kindle.  When she would calm down, I took her favorite toy away, and that just made her scream even more (which I expected, but I'd hoped she would see that I meant business and wanted her to stop screaming).

Wednesday wasn't an easy day, but at least there wasn't any screaming.  My husband's volleyball game was canceled, though, so my quiet relaxation time was disturbed.

Now, here we are on Thursday, and this time it was my son's turn.  After a long day at school and waiting for his nap until after we picked up his sister from school, we came home to read stories and finally nap.  I read his first story just fine and he sat in his "I'm really tired" position.  When I went to read the second story, he kept interrupting me.  When, the third time, he said "I don't want that story, I want this story" and I told him to stop and listen or he wouldn't get any story.  He again interrupted that he wanted a different story, so I stopped reading and put him in bed.  At this point, he sat up and screamed, a blood-curdling scream.  I told him to lay down and go to sleep, and he continued to scream, for 30 minutes, until he finally fell asleep.  He wouldn't listen to anything I said, he just wanted to scream.

So, I'm sitting here.  The screaming has stopped and he's napping peacefully with his little butt in the air.  Jade is playing school with her mini figures quietly on her bed.  I have applied for my 5th job this week (about my 100th this year).  I've gone through the mail and all the school papers.  and, I have about 20 minutes before I have to get up to make dinner.

I want to cry, but seeing what time it is, I know that my daughter will be in here very soon begging to play with her kindle, which will probably lead to her screaming at me when I tell her no again.  I want to bury my head under the covers and just go to sleep, but I have to get up to make dinner sooner than I could fall asleep.  I just want to hide somewhere where no one can scream at me, or tell me that I did something else wrong, or tell me I'm just not good enough.  I want to run away to a place where everyone loves every meal I cook, and I don't have to fight to get one kid to eat their meat and the other kid to eat their vegetables.  Just like every other stay at home mom out there, I want to feel loved and appreciated.

Here's to hoping that tomorrow is a better day, or at least next week is a better week.

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