My love/hate relationship with December

This time of year is my favorite and least favorite, all at the same time.  I love Christmas! I love giving gifts to people. I love it even more now than before, because I can’t wait to see the look on Jade’s face when she opens her presents this year. I love baking and parties.  It is great!

But, there are a few things that I don’t like about this time of year.  1. My husband hates this time of year, so he’s extra cranky and miserable, which I don’t like.  2. I don’t do well at all with cold dry weather.  My skin cracks. I can’t stop drinking water. I’m uncomfortable.  It’s just terrible. 3. I’m too busy.  I hate rushing from one place to the next, and with 2 parties per day on each weekend day, that’s all we do is rush from one place to the next.

So, I have to make some adjustments to try to make the miserable go away.

First, I bake more.  This makes me happy because I have more stuff to give to other people.  Plus, it keeps the house warmer, which helps with that cold problem.  The downside is that it makes my diet plans more difficult, since I have to taste everything I make before it goes out to make sure that it is ok.  Ugh!

Second, I like to buy for just about everyone I know.  This has had to cut back quite a bit since Jade was born, since our income was cut in half for me to stay at home with my beautiful Jade, but I still buy quite a bit of stuff.  Of course, this is not good for our pocket-book and my husband’s mood, so I’m cutting back even more each year.  The one thing that makes both of us happy, though, is getting stuff for Jade, so I’m making up for it there.

One big problem for Christmas, though.  I want my daughter to wake up Christmas morning in her own bed to be greeted with Santa’s presents.  This means that we don’t get to see any of my family, since my Mom, Dad, Sister, etc. are all in Michigan. I’ve tried making arrangements to see my brother down in Palm Beach, but I’m not holding my breath on that one.  We get to see my husband’s family, since most of them are right here.

I grew up with a big Christmas Eve dinner at my Grandma’s and then a big Christmas lunch at my Grandpa’s.  It was really cool.  Now, we have a big Christmas Eve dinner at my husband’s Granny’s and we used to have his sister (and daughter), step-sister (and family), and Mom over for breakfast and presents on Christmas morning.  Well, it doesn’t look like the morning thing is going to happen this year (or at least not in its original form). I want to start traditions with her, but no one is cooperating.

I just keep looking at her smile and we’re all happy after that.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is a time of giving thanks for what we have been blessed with, and the day of celebration will be here in just 3 days.  We get to spend time with family and make sure that those we care about know that they are important to us.  How much of this can an almost 2-year-old understand? How much can I help her see and understand?

Our Thanksgiving, since I got married, is just crazy.  We get up and make a dish (or finish a dish) and head to my husband’s dad’s side of the family for “dinner” at lunch time.  My husband’s grandparents, aunt, uncles, and cousins are there.  We all sit at one big table and enjoy a feast together.  My family’s tradition of watching the Lions game on TV is thrown out because there can’t be any TV on during the feast. We help clean up and then everyone leaves. I really do miss watching the Lions game.

We rush home to make side dish number two for dinner number 2.  In between, I try to call my family to let them know that I love them and am thankful for having them in my life, but have to run so that I can get the dish done and over to the next party in time.

“Dinner” at my husband’s mom’s family’s is next.  This is the entire family from Grandparents, Mom, aunts, uncles, cousins…they’re all there.  Dinner is a buffet and everyone sits wherever they can find room (couches, tables, outside).

I want to have my own Thanksgiving.  I want to have a group of friends that we care about dearly come over and I want to make a feast for them and tell them how much they mean to us.  I want to roast a turkey, stuffed with amazing stuffing.  I want to bake all kinds of yummy desserts.  I want to spend an evening where we can sit back and be thankful.

Here is what I’m thankful for.

I’m thankful for my wonderful family (all of them. Even the ones that drive me crazy).  I’m thankful for my amazing husband who works so hard so that I don’t have to.  I’m thankful for my beautiful and amazingly smart daughter.  She teaches me new things every day and amazes me with every word out of her mouth.  I’m thankful to have a house over my head, a car to get me places, and delicious food on my table every day.  I’m thankful that I live in a place where there is so much for me and my family to do, to help my daughter learn and grow.  I’m thankful that I get to go to the “happiest place on Earth” at least once a month and see my daughter’s face light up when she sees Mickey.  I’m thankful that my husband puts up with my faults and shortcomings and loves me for me and would do anything to keep me happy.  I’m thankful that my daughter loves me and wants me to comfort her when she is hurt or sad. I’m thankful that I am loved and that I have people to love. I’m thankful for my great group of support to help me through rough times and good times and to provide me with advice in this new adventure that I call my life.

To all my friends and all my family … THANK YOU!  I couldn’t have made it through these past 2 years without each and every one of you.  You have each provided me with support in different aspects of my life, and I am grateful to you all for being there for me.

9 days at Disney with 4 kids

I guess the title says it all.  I am exhausted!  My Mom and Dad came down and brought with them my sister and her children.  So, we had a 6 year old, a 4 year old, a 21-month-old, and a 4-month-old.

Jade is at that stage in her life now, where everything is amazing and exciting.  She sat at each parade with a look of excitement in her eyes, pointing at each character and saying their name as they go by. When we get through the line to see the characters, she runs up and hugs them, then turns and says “Cheety-cheese” for the cutest picture with the character.  It is just the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. And, it was so upsetting that Jeremy couldn’t be there to experience it and see her excitement.

I also learned that I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was.  This week, with my 28 pound baby on one arm, my 15 pound diaper bag on the other arm, and the stroller in my hand, I waited in line after line, and I carried it all on and off each bus.  And, when we could get Jade to ride in a stroller or to walk holding on to someone else’s hand, I carried around my sister’s baby or pushed around her 4 year old.  9 days with no breaks.

But, I see this as practice for when baby number 2 comes along.  I know there is no breaks with 2 kids, and since we have few options for help in the area, there really is no break. I am pretty proud of myself, and I am confident I can handle it. I have learned a lot about myself and I know now that I am strong. I have learned that I am not just strong physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.  I am ready. I can do it.

The next question is … how do we prepare Jade?

Halloween fun

My little one had her first real trick-or-treating experience.  We got her dressed up in her Hippo costume (Momma and Papa were zoo keepers) and walked her to a few of the neighbors houses.  She looked so cute walking down the street, in her costume, carrying her pumpkin bucket. She was so excited.

Then, we get to the door, and she freezes up.  She just stared at the neighbor, frozen, not saying a word, with her bucket at her side.  They talked to her. I tried getting her to talk. Nothing.  Finally, the neighbor would drop candy in her bucket. I would thank them and we would turn to go on.  As she walked away, she strutted, all excited about the candy she had just been given.  Even when we went to my husband’s grandmother’s house, she did the same thing.  She wouldn’t even speak for them.  But, after she got her candy, she was very excited and played very well.  She ran around saying “trick-or-treat” and asking for a piece of chocolate, like it was a game she could play with her dolls.

All in all, it was very cute. And, I am so excited for next year’s trick-or-treating fun!

But, now that Halloween is over, we all know what that means.  CHRISTMAS SEASON IS HERE!

Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

Yes, my daughter can. We just got back from Sesame Place, in Pennsylvania. Jade had a blast having lunch with Elmo and friends.  She loved Big Bird and The Count, and her new friend Zoe. She loved sliding down the slides and riding on the carousel.  The trip would have been perfect, but in the middle, she got sick.

The first night, she refused to sleep unless she was on Momma.  By the 3rd night, she was running a fever.  We left Sesame early to head out to Hershey and to give her more time to sleep.  2 days of ibuprofen and she finally broke her fever and was able to enjoy the last day at Hershey, tasting Momma’s chocolate, making her own chocolate bar, and just being a wonderful toddler.

I had a great time. It was so cool to see her face at the Touch Me Museum, playing in the duck pond and climbing up the slides. She went grocery shopping and pretended to be a doctor in the hospital. I was surprised she wasn’t that interested in playing in the house, but I guess she gets that kind of stuff enough at home.  Her favorite thing was definitely the baby duck pond.  It was great to see her tell Abby (the flying ferry) about her chicken, and get upset when she wanted to go see Big Bird, but she still had food to eat.  It was amazing to see her asking for more chocolate at our “Tasting adventure.”  It was so cute to see her sitting on my husband’s lap waiting for the next Sesame Street show to start, both excited to see what was going to happen next. It was great to see my husband so happy that Jade is no longer afraid to stand on his feet and dance with him. She giggles and smiles, and is just one really happy sweetheart.

So, if you are a parent of a toddler, I would recommend heading to Langhorne, PA and going to Sesame Place.  In October, it’s too cold for the water rides, which didn’t matter to us, since Jade is too young for them anyway, but it isn’t very crowded either, so you can do lots of stuff and not have to deal with long lines. Be aware that they are only open on weekends, though.

Also, if you’re in Philadelphia and you have a child under the age of 8, go to the Touch Me Museum.  It is the coolest thing for kids. Just remember to wash their hands a lot.

While in Hershey, we didn’t go to Hershey Park. We just went to Chocolate World. They have free candy samples and inexpensive and fun activities (trolley rides, make your own candy bar, etc.) With a toddler, Hershey Park doesn’t make much sense, but this was a fun way to fill a day and not spend too much money.

Now, we’re back to Orlando and back to the grind.  Next, Halloween fun and then a visit from my family.  We will have lots to talk about over the next few weeks. I’m going to be doing lots of baking soon and I’m trying out some new recipes for dinners too.  Back on the diet tomorrow after gaining a couple of pounds on the vacation. Hopefully I can get back on the loss track.

Plus, check back soon. It has been requested that I post my pumpkin muffin recipe. It should go up soon.

Remodels and more

So, we’re in the middle of remodeling our bathroom.  It’s a big job. We tore down the closet that was in there and are making a double vanity. We’re building the shower and tiling everything in travertine.  Well, we’ve learned so much and I’m so glad that we’re doing this.  The wall in the shower was literally rotting.  It was gross!  Well, we’re 1 week into it, and we are not even close to done and I really hate having to go all the way across the house to use the bathroom.  Hopefully, we’ll have everything done except for the vanity/sinks this week.  Those won’t be ready because I haven’t ordered them yet.

Yes, I know, it’s a bit late, but we’ve been rushed to move on this faster than I had expected and Jeremy (the hubby) kept saying he’d take care of it, but then got too busy at work.  Poor guy!  So, I offered to do it, but I know nothing, so I take 3 extra phone calls to get something done that he could have in 1.  But, I got the vanity ordered and tomorrow I will order the vanity top with sinks.  But, Jeremy said he’d have someone booked to do it by the end of June and we’re finally doing it in October.  I can’t really say we’re rushed, now can I?

I don’t think Jade likes that we’ve invaded her bathroom.  But, she’s being a trooper.  I think she’s starting to get her second set of molars in, so we’ve had some sleepless nights, a lot of runny noses, and a lot of things going in her mouth lately.  Poor girl! Although, it’s hard to tell, because when I ask her what’s wrong, she doesn’t respond yet. I don’t think she understands yet when I ask her what hurts or what doesn’t feel right, I get no answer. I really can’t wait until the day she can tell me where it hurts.  That is going to make my life so much easier.

So, I’ve started my first period since my miscarriage.  It’s depressing and painful. But, it means we are one step closer to starting to try again.  I have to get through this one and one more and it should be safe.  Hopefully, I’ll have lost enough weight to make us both happy enough.  So far, I’ve lost 6 pounds.  With one more month, I should be able to lose at least 4 more pounds (as long as I don’t ruin it on our vacation).  It would be nice to lose at least 8 more, but I know that’s pushing it.  I’m just glad that I’ve actually lost some weight on this diet after all. I just wish I could see it and felt better.  I still feel tired, fat, and ugly. Maybe one day I’ll feel pretty and energetic again.  Maybe…\

I made some pumpkin swirl brownies. I’m still waiting to hear how they are. No other noteworthy recipes to talk about this week.  I’ll be trying more stuff after the vacation.

Being flexible and understanding

I’ve learned so much since I started my job as a stay at home mom.  Being an independent woman with two Master’s degrees, I felt like I knew a lot, but being married and raising a daughter has taught me that I know nothing.

There are many types of people in this world.  Some people need to be shown love through physical attention, some people need verbal attention, some people need emotional attention. I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what it is that I need to feel loved in a relationship.  I used to think it was physical attention, and to some extent I think it still is.  I need my daughter to give me huggie-mooches, and she loves to give them, so that’s good.  But, with  my husband, I think I need something different. Ever since we had Jade, I’m not the physically demanding person I used to be.  I always wanted him to hug and kiss me, but now, I think I need something else.  But what?

I know that he needs to see me happy to feel like I love him. If I’m not smiling when I’m in his presence, he feels like he’s not doing everything that he needs to for me to love him.  Anyone who has ever watched a one year old all day knows that come the end of the day, you can be too tired to smile all the time. Well, it’s hard to get that idea across to my husband.  So, I feel worse because I feel like I’m letting him down, because I know he needs it.  It’s a vicious cycle.

But, what about me? I think that I need understanding (if that’s even something you can really get).  I have gone through a lot of changes over the past 3 years.  First, I got married.  Then, I got pregnant. Then, I had a baby. Then, I change careers.  Then, very recently I got pregnant again and had a miscarriage. I’m not the same person I was when my husband and I met 5 years ago.  I’m a lot more submissive to the things that make my family happy, but sometimes I just want something for me. I feel selfish. But, in order for me to stay at home and have my most wonderful life with my daughter every day … in order for this wonderful experience to continue, we had to make sacrifices.  My husband works his butt off all day at work for us.  I give up spending money on me.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I hate to shop, but I like to have things.  I feel so special when I get things, whether I buy it for myself, or someone gives it to me.  I just feel special.  Well, now, I feel guilty if I get anything for myself, because we need the money to buy Jade things. I’m so torn. To feel special and loved, I need Jeremy to come home one day with a nice gesture for me.  It doesn’t have to be anything expensive, just something that is for me that I would like. Not, a figurine (when I hate figurines that don’t have any meaning to me). Not, let me take you shopping (so you can try on things that will just depress you because they don’t fit). Not, a tool that I need to better make dinner or take care of the house and the family.  Something for me. Something to make me feel pretty. Or something to make me feel loved.  Or something to make me laugh or smile. Something that’s not about being married or about Jade.  Something that’s just about me.  Now, I feel really selfish. But, I think that’s what I need, every few years.

Yes, I’ve changed. I’ve had to learn that life is all about being flexible. I will do my best to put that smile on my face even when I’m too exhausted to stand up each evening.  I do it because I love my husband and my life. I no longer carry my Coach purses.  I no longer wear nice clothes every day with cute shoes to match. I do it because I want Jade to have the best of everything and I make sacrifices so she can. I’m not very good at making friends (I’m very shy and I’m very much an introvert), but I have made several, even became Vice President of a moms club so that Jade can have a good social experience.  I do these things so that my wonderful life will continue to be wonderful, so that everyone around me will continue to be happy.

I understand that my husband is miserable having to spend every day at work away from us. I appreciate greatly the sacrifice he makes in order for us to have our wonderful life. He is my hero. He is my life saver.  He is my love.