Not a lot to say

I know I’m a few days late with my weekly post this week, but I’ve found I don’t have a whole lot to talk about right now.   I’m a bit down and not feeling it, but I want to let everyone know that I’m still here and thinking of you.  I have been very busy too, with baking, and company, and fun with my wonderful family.

I made my husband’s grandmother’s date nut cookies and a batch of sugar cookies this week.  I also made my father’s famous peanut butter balls this week.  I made a trip out to Lakeland to see my old work friends. We made our annual trip to Hollywood Studios to see the Osbourne Lights as a family this week. We celebrated Christmas with Jeremy’s Dad’s side of the family. And, I lost another baby this week.  I guess you can say it has been a very busy week.

Ok, yes, I did just say that, and now you know the reason why I’m just not feeling it, sitting here exhausted (physically and emotionally).  It’s my 2nd miscarriage in 100 days and I am devastated.  It happened this weekend, and so I’m waiting until morning to be able to call the doctor to get in to see what is going on.  It is such an emotional roller coaster to be so excited to find out your pregnant at the beginning of the week, only to lose the baby at the end of the week.  And, to go through that twice in just 3 months is not something I wish upon anyone.

I am trying to be strong in front of Jade.  Do you realize how very sad it is for your adorable almost-2-year-old to say to you “What’s the matter, Momma?”  It makes you just want to cry even more.

My husband is the greatest, but he has no clue what to do for me.  Hell, I don’t even know what to do for me! I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t want to be around anyone. I feel like such a failure.  But mostly, I’m scared that I’m not going to be able to have another child, just when Jeremy finally agrees that Jade needs a sibling.

I know this is not the upbeat, fun story that my loyal readers expect to read about and I’m sorry for bringing you down with my sadness.  I promise. Give me a couple of weeks, and I’ll be back to my normal self.  My daughter’s 2nd birthday party details will be coming soon. The invitations went out and I will be getting excited about it as soon as we get past this week.

The Potty

I talk to my daughter about the potty all day.  I ask her at regular times if she wants to go use the potty.  She uses it as a game with me.  When she wants more of my attention, she’ll tell me she has to go potty, but when she sits down, she never goes.  My husband is home for 1 hour (sometimes 2) of her waking time in the evening, and almost every night, she goes potty for him.  I have a feeling, if this girl is going to be potty trained, her father is going to need to be home more, because she just won’t go for me.

I am so proud of her, either way.  Tonight, he was getting her ready for bed, and she asked to go potty, and tinkled on the potty!  She is such a big girl, for not even being 2 years old yet!

Here’s my dilemma.  I don’t want to move her to a big girl bed yet. I want her to stay in the crib.  But, if she gets potty trained and starts to want to get up and go potty.  Well, how do you deal with that when they’re still in the crib?  What do I do?  If we move her to a bed, she’ll be in our room every night, and I’m not ready to deal with that yet.  So, do we just keep her in diapers at night until I’m ready for her to move to the big bed?  Am I holding her back by doing that?

Please comment if you have any advice for me. Although, she may take months to potty train. I’m just being very optimistic because she amazes me at every step.  Why not with potty training as well?

Pumpkin Muffins

Ingredients

• 1 cup All Purpose Flour
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 2 teaspoons Baking Powder
• 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 4 tablespoons butter cut into small pieces
• 1 cup Pumpkin Puree
• 1/2 cup Evaporated Milk
• 1 whole egg
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1/2 cup raisins Optional

Directions

Sift flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and salt.

Cut in butter with two knives or a pastry blender until it is fully incorporated.

In a separate bowl, mix together pumpkin, evaporated milk, egg, and vanilla.

Pour pumpkin mixture into the flour mixture.

Add raisins. Fold gently until mixture is just combined.

Pour into a greased muffin pan.

Bake for 25 minutes. (20 minutes if you’re doing mini muffins).

Allow to cool in pan for 15 minutes, then remove and allow to cool.

My love/hate relationship with December

This time of year is my favorite and least favorite, all at the same time.  I love Christmas! I love giving gifts to people. I love it even more now than before, because I can’t wait to see the look on Jade’s face when she opens her presents this year. I love baking and parties.  It is great!

But, there are a few things that I don’t like about this time of year.  1. My husband hates this time of year, so he’s extra cranky and miserable, which I don’t like.  2. I don’t do well at all with cold dry weather.  My skin cracks. I can’t stop drinking water. I’m uncomfortable.  It’s just terrible. 3. I’m too busy.  I hate rushing from one place to the next, and with 2 parties per day on each weekend day, that’s all we do is rush from one place to the next.

So, I have to make some adjustments to try to make the miserable go away.

First, I bake more.  This makes me happy because I have more stuff to give to other people.  Plus, it keeps the house warmer, which helps with that cold problem.  The downside is that it makes my diet plans more difficult, since I have to taste everything I make before it goes out to make sure that it is ok.  Ugh!

Second, I like to buy for just about everyone I know.  This has had to cut back quite a bit since Jade was born, since our income was cut in half for me to stay at home with my beautiful Jade, but I still buy quite a bit of stuff.  Of course, this is not good for our pocket-book and my husband’s mood, so I’m cutting back even more each year.  The one thing that makes both of us happy, though, is getting stuff for Jade, so I’m making up for it there.

One big problem for Christmas, though.  I want my daughter to wake up Christmas morning in her own bed to be greeted with Santa’s presents.  This means that we don’t get to see any of my family, since my Mom, Dad, Sister, etc. are all in Michigan. I’ve tried making arrangements to see my brother down in Palm Beach, but I’m not holding my breath on that one.  We get to see my husband’s family, since most of them are right here.

I grew up with a big Christmas Eve dinner at my Grandma’s and then a big Christmas lunch at my Grandpa’s.  It was really cool.  Now, we have a big Christmas Eve dinner at my husband’s Granny’s and we used to have his sister (and daughter), step-sister (and family), and Mom over for breakfast and presents on Christmas morning.  Well, it doesn’t look like the morning thing is going to happen this year (or at least not in its original form). I want to start traditions with her, but no one is cooperating.

I just keep looking at her smile and we’re all happy after that.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is a time of giving thanks for what we have been blessed with, and the day of celebration will be here in just 3 days.  We get to spend time with family and make sure that those we care about know that they are important to us.  How much of this can an almost 2-year-old understand? How much can I help her see and understand?

Our Thanksgiving, since I got married, is just crazy.  We get up and make a dish (or finish a dish) and head to my husband’s dad’s side of the family for “dinner” at lunch time.  My husband’s grandparents, aunt, uncles, and cousins are there.  We all sit at one big table and enjoy a feast together.  My family’s tradition of watching the Lions game on TV is thrown out because there can’t be any TV on during the feast. We help clean up and then everyone leaves. I really do miss watching the Lions game.

We rush home to make side dish number two for dinner number 2.  In between, I try to call my family to let them know that I love them and am thankful for having them in my life, but have to run so that I can get the dish done and over to the next party in time.

“Dinner” at my husband’s mom’s family’s is next.  This is the entire family from Grandparents, Mom, aunts, uncles, cousins…they’re all there.  Dinner is a buffet and everyone sits wherever they can find room (couches, tables, outside).

I want to have my own Thanksgiving.  I want to have a group of friends that we care about dearly come over and I want to make a feast for them and tell them how much they mean to us.  I want to roast a turkey, stuffed with amazing stuffing.  I want to bake all kinds of yummy desserts.  I want to spend an evening where we can sit back and be thankful.

Here is what I’m thankful for.

I’m thankful for my wonderful family (all of them. Even the ones that drive me crazy).  I’m thankful for my amazing husband who works so hard so that I don’t have to.  I’m thankful for my beautiful and amazingly smart daughter.  She teaches me new things every day and amazes me with every word out of her mouth.  I’m thankful to have a house over my head, a car to get me places, and delicious food on my table every day.  I’m thankful that I live in a place where there is so much for me and my family to do, to help my daughter learn and grow.  I’m thankful that I get to go to the “happiest place on Earth” at least once a month and see my daughter’s face light up when she sees Mickey.  I’m thankful that my husband puts up with my faults and shortcomings and loves me for me and would do anything to keep me happy.  I’m thankful that my daughter loves me and wants me to comfort her when she is hurt or sad. I’m thankful that I am loved and that I have people to love. I’m thankful for my great group of support to help me through rough times and good times and to provide me with advice in this new adventure that I call my life.

To all my friends and all my family … THANK YOU!  I couldn’t have made it through these past 2 years without each and every one of you.  You have each provided me with support in different aspects of my life, and I am grateful to you all for being there for me.

9 days at Disney with 4 kids

I guess the title says it all.  I am exhausted!  My Mom and Dad came down and brought with them my sister and her children.  So, we had a 6 year old, a 4 year old, a 21-month-old, and a 4-month-old.

Jade is at that stage in her life now, where everything is amazing and exciting.  She sat at each parade with a look of excitement in her eyes, pointing at each character and saying their name as they go by. When we get through the line to see the characters, she runs up and hugs them, then turns and says “Cheety-cheese” for the cutest picture with the character.  It is just the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. And, it was so upsetting that Jeremy couldn’t be there to experience it and see her excitement.

I also learned that I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was.  This week, with my 28 pound baby on one arm, my 15 pound diaper bag on the other arm, and the stroller in my hand, I waited in line after line, and I carried it all on and off each bus.  And, when we could get Jade to ride in a stroller or to walk holding on to someone else’s hand, I carried around my sister’s baby or pushed around her 4 year old.  9 days with no breaks.

But, I see this as practice for when baby number 2 comes along.  I know there is no breaks with 2 kids, and since we have few options for help in the area, there really is no break. I am pretty proud of myself, and I am confident I can handle it. I have learned a lot about myself and I know now that I am strong. I have learned that I am not just strong physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.  I am ready. I can do it.

The next question is … how do we prepare Jade?

Halloween fun

My little one had her first real trick-or-treating experience.  We got her dressed up in her Hippo costume (Momma and Papa were zoo keepers) and walked her to a few of the neighbors houses.  She looked so cute walking down the street, in her costume, carrying her pumpkin bucket. She was so excited.

Then, we get to the door, and she freezes up.  She just stared at the neighbor, frozen, not saying a word, with her bucket at her side.  They talked to her. I tried getting her to talk. Nothing.  Finally, the neighbor would drop candy in her bucket. I would thank them and we would turn to go on.  As she walked away, she strutted, all excited about the candy she had just been given.  Even when we went to my husband’s grandmother’s house, she did the same thing.  She wouldn’t even speak for them.  But, after she got her candy, she was very excited and played very well.  She ran around saying “trick-or-treat” and asking for a piece of chocolate, like it was a game she could play with her dolls.

All in all, it was very cute. And, I am so excited for next year’s trick-or-treating fun!

But, now that Halloween is over, we all know what that means.  CHRISTMAS SEASON IS HERE!