Love Christmas, but not this year

Christmas is my favorite time of year.  I love all of the baking and parties and fun times with my family.  This year, I’m 8 months pregnant and have gestational diabetes, and am being monitored very heavily for the onset of pre-eclampsia.  So, this year just hasn’t been all I like it to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved doing fun crafts with my daughter. I loved watching her excitement when she saw Santa.  I loved watching her open her presents.  And, I’m still loving watching her play with all of her new toys.  This Christmas has been the best ever!  Never before has anyone appreciated so much all the hard-work I put into decorating and shopping to make their Christmas special.  She is awesome, and this was awesome!  Plus, this year, Jade and I made cookies together, and decorated them together.  This was so much fun!

But, every year, I usually make tons of peanut butter balls.  But, since I can’t eat them, and I’m supposed to be resting, I was told not to make them.

Every year, we have lots of parties to go to, and I get to make something different to take to each one.  We were invited to 3 parties that we had to turn down going to because of my state of pregnancy, and the couple that we did go to, I wasn’t allowed to make anything.  I had to just buy stuff to take with us.  I was very disappointed that we couldn’t go to see our friends and have a good time. I was equally disappointed that I wasn’t able to make new, yummy things to share with our friends.

My husband went away the week after we bought our tree.  Because I was having sciatic nerve issues, I couldn’t bend over to check the water level in the tree, and it went dry. So, my beautiful tree started to sag before Christmas.  It was pretty pathetic looking on Christmas day, and here we are 3 days before New Years Day, and it is completely taken down, and our house is de-Christmased. Talk about depressing a highly emotional pregnant woman.

And now, I’m more pregnant than I’ve ever been.  I passed the 37 week mark (Jade was born at 36w6d), and I’m miserable.  I’m contracting about 4 times an hour, pretty regularly. I can’t eat anything good, and my sugars are still wacky.  I have a constant headache.  My vision gets blurry a few times a day. I ache everywhere.  I am also so nervous!  We have 1 1/2 weeks left before our scheduled c-section.  My husband has been working so hard to get the nursery done. It is painted a beautiful chilled Lemonade.  The carpet is ordered and being installed on Monday.  Then, he has 1 day of vacation left to get the furniture together.  At least, this is something I can help with!

Wish us luck! I’m not sure if I’ll be able to write before the baby is born!

Leaving my daughter overnight

My little girl is almost 3 years old, and this weekend will be the first time that we leave her overnight.  Since we are having our baby boy in just 4 1/2 weeks, we figured it would be a good idea to test out how she does being left overnight (waking up without Mommy) before we head off to the hospital for 4 nights.

So, with a great discount from a great family relative, we are heading to Disney’s Swan for a night.  We’ll check into the hotel, head off to dinner, get “the best seats in the house” at Cirque de Soleil, sleep in comfort and quiet, sleep in, enjoy a delicious breakfast in peace and quiet, and then come home to our lovely 2-year-old.  It should be a very nice weekend.  I just hope that she doesn’t freak out when I’m not there in the morning.  She has never gone to bed and woken up to me not being here.

I’m doing my best to prepare her for it, but it’s hard, when you have no clue how she’s going to react.  She could be fine, since she’ll have Grandma Cindy over.  Or, she might be very upset.

Of course, I doubt this will help my worries about the birth.  1 night is one thing, but 4 nights is a completely different story.  I won’t be coming home the next day. She’ll have to come see me in the hospital, with IVs, and in pain.  Plus, when we do come home, we’ll be bringing home her baby brother.  So far, she seems excited about it, but that could change pretty quickly when he is actually here.

I need to stop worrying.  It is not helping my blood pressure.  But, she’s my little girl. She will always be my baby girl, and I am always going to worry about her and her sensitive feelings.  If people want to think I’m weird for not just running off happily to my fun weekend with my hubby and not thinking about how my baby girl is going to handle it, then they can think I’m weird!

Survived Thanksgiving!

Two dinners in one day is just too much, especially when you have a 2 year old and you are trying to keep your blood pressure under control.  But, I kept it down enough to be home in my own bed tonight.

My husband’s parents are divorced, so Thanksgiving consists of dinner at his Grandmother’s on his Dad’s side for lunch, home for nap and make the side dish for the next party, then, dinner at his Grandmother’s on his Mom’s side for supper.  It’s a very long day.  Plus, the political conversations are just terrible!

This year was even worse because I have GD and couldn’t eat hardly anything.  I couldn’t even drown my discomfort in wine or pie.  But, I have a beautiful daughter, a very loving husband, and a baby boy that keeps kicking my insides to remind me how wonderful life is and that it is ok to be uncomfortable for one day.

I am thankful for many things.  I am most thankful for my husband, who puts up with a lot of crap every day at work so that I can stay at home and spend my time with my beautiful daughter and soon handsome son.  We have a roof over our heads, food in the kitchen, and we don’t have to really want for anything.  We have everything we need.  I am the luckiest girl in the land, even without wine and pie.

How to keep your blood pressure down?!

Well, it has been a while since I posted, but things have been super busy around here.  Luckily, things are still good, and my daughter is happy as ever and my son is growing well inside, still.

But, my blood pressure is slowly on the rise.  It is responding very much the same as it did when I was pregnant with my daughter.  It had been low (10x/6x range) for the entire first two trimesters.  But, the second I hit the 3rd trimester it started to rise.  Now it is consistently moving up. It is still good (12x/7x), but definitely higher than it has been, which is exactly what happened last time.  With Jade, at about 30 weeks, I got my first “high” reading.  By 32 weeks I was on bed rest.  I’m 29 weeks now, and I’m getting a little nervous.

What makes things worse is the holidays are coming up.  This means lot of family parties and running around, which means lots of stress.  If only my husband’s family could get together and do one party.  But, on Thanksgiving, we’ll be spending the morning at his Dad’s family’s party, rushing home to get Jade a nap and to make a side dish, and then heading out to his Mom’s family’s party.  I’m trying to come up with an idea of something I can make in advance so that maybe I can nap between parties, but I’m drawing a blank as to something that would be good and can be made completely in advance.

Christmas isn’t so bad because the parties are on different days, at least.  But, there is currently a lot of tension between my little family and the rest of the family. Some others in the family have some beliefs about us that just aren’t true, and it has caused some hard feelings and tension.  Of course, just thinking about it makes me sad and stressed.  I wish everyone would just get along and stop projecting their insecurities onto others, but that just isn’t the way it is, and so everyone suffers.

So, meditation, playing with Jade, and resting are on the agenda for the next 9 weeks!  Hopefully, I will make it through that long.

Scheduled date

We’re scheduled!  Baby boy Breiding is going to be here on January 9, if all goes well!  I’m so excited!

This has been a rough week.  I have to go to physical therapy tomorrow because I have pregnancy-created sciatica.  It has gotten so bad that during parts of the day, I can’t even walk. I’m hoping that the physical therapy will help so that I can make it through the next 11 weeks.

We’re dog sitting for a friend this week.  The first day didn’t go well.  I think everyone was overwhelmed and no one got any rest.  Brumos barked at every noise outside, every car that drove by, every dog that barks in the neighborhood, no matter what it was outside, he barked. Luckily, Jade slept through it all.  Unfortunately, I could not.  Today was better.  In fact, the nervous dog is now calm and laying next to me on the bed as I type this.  I’m afraid he may want to sleep here all night, and I’ll get no sleep again.

We babysat for our friend this week too, a 3-year-old boy.  3 long days with 2 crazy kids.  We had lots of fun, but it was too much for this pregnant lady to handle for so long (12 hour days with sciatica).

BTW, we decided to not cut out the offending folks from last post. We’re going to stick it out and bear through the negativity and selfishness.

Emotions running wild!

Ok, so I’ve been pregnant (for the most part) for over a year now.  With 2 miscarriages and now being 26 weeks pregnant, I’ve had hormones going through my system for 14 months now.  To say I’m going crazy might be a bit of an understatement.

Is it possible to go crazy for an overdose of hormones? To think that it has been 14 months and that I still have 3 months left of this pregnancy and then a year and a half of breastfeeding after that.  Will I be able to survive this emotional roller coaster?  Why can’t people be more understanding and helpful instead of selfish?

Ok, so to give any newcomers a quick history … Last year, in August, we got pregnant (ecstatic!)  but we lost the baby in September.  We waited the recommended time after our loss and got pregnant again in November.  We lost that baby as well.  After many tests, we found a large pollup  (sp?) that was not allowing the baby to attach to the wall, and had that removed in February.  Finally, after allowing the required healing time, we got pregnant again in April. Since getting pregnant, I spent 3 1/2 months throwing up everything I could think of eating.  Then, when the morning sickness went away, when I started eating, I would pass out.  Turns out, it was gestational diabetes, and here we are, controlling, and hoping that the high blood pressure doesn’t come on like it did with my daughter.

So, as you can see, super emotional 14 months, plus, a very rough 14 months.

Now, here I am wondering how some people can be so selfish.  If someone wants to do something nice for you, why can’t it be just that?  Why does it have to have ulterior motives?  And, when someone tries to apologize for miscommunications and  misunderstandings, why do people have to get rude and start bringing in false accusations about how I am feeling?  Yes, I’ll admit I have a lot of emotions, but thinking negatively about other people is NOT on my list of things to do right now.  Honestly, if I’m not thinking positively about you, I’M NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU!  There is too much negativity in this world. Why would I waste my time having negative thoughts about anyone?!

I love my family, but I am over with the over dramatizations of everything!!! If you can’t be a positive influence in my children’s lives, I don’t want you in their lives. Period. End of story. I don’t want them surrounded by drama. I don’t want them surrounded by negative thinking. I don’t want them to see selfishness from people they are supposed to look up to.

Ok, now I’ve asked for comments and help the past couple of posts, and so far, nothing. But, I’ll keep asking.  Am I being too emotional?  Should I let these people be part of this time (when I don’t need stress and unhappiness around me) just because they are family?

How do you avoid stress?

I’m 25 weeks pregnant.  I have gestational diabetes.  I have a history of pre-eclampsia.  I have a two year old that acts like she’s four. I have a husband who has stress issues.  How can I keep my blood pressure down?

We started remodeling our bathroom a year ago.  I hired someone to do most of the work, but when it was close to being done, my husband sent him home and said he would finish the job.  Now, a year later, it still isn’t done.

I’m 25 weeks pregnant and we haven’t started getting the nursery ready.  We need to clear out the room, get new carpet, paint, get the furniture purchased and put together. Ugh!

I am having a garage sale in less than a month.  In order to try to help pay for everything, I’m trying to sell some of our old stuff (Jade’s old clothes, since we’re having a boy, my old clothes, since some of it just isn’t worth keeping, furniture, etc.).  I have to get ready for that too.

My family just spent a week and a half here, at Disney.

Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are right around  the corner. Plus, Jade’s birthday is shortly after all of that.

I am the President of the MOMS Club of Orlando – Conway and my Administrative Vice President quit with no notice and now my Sunshine Coordinator has announced she’d like to step down from her position.  So, now I need to find replacements, and no one is stepping up.

I need a stress-reliever.  Any ideas?  Drinking is not an option.  Running is not an option.  I would love to cook, but I can’t eat any of it and it depresses me, so cooking is not an option.  Please, comment with ideas for me.  I could really use them! I don’t want to end up on bed rest this time!

End of no-spend September

Well, we made it through no-spend September, and it was rough.  I learned a lot and we did ok, but not as well as expected.

Lessons:

1. My husband sucked at no-spend September.  He did spend a lot less than normal, but he couldn’t go a month without buying cigars.

2. I suck at spending less at grocery shopping.  I was unable to stay within our budget.  Although, I had a major change to my diet during that time, with the gestational diabetes, I couldn’t stay within budget.  I did look over all of the stuff that I bought, and couldn’t find anything that we didn’t need.

3.  We did great with not eating out. I think that trying to figure out the new Gestational Diabetes diet helped, since it is difficult to figure out a new diet when you are eating out.  But, I was very proud of my ability to cook new and different things to keep dinner exciting, for an entire month.

4. Unexpected things always come up.  That is one thing that we’ll have to take into consideration if we ever need to do this for real.  Jade’s school supplies were a lot more than I expected.  My car got a nail in its tire.  But, all-in-all, it wasn’t so bad.

Well, I’m kind of proud of myself. I’m not as disappointed in my husband as I expected it would be  Yea! Go Us!

Monitoring my sugar

So, as you all heard, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes over a month ago. I finally had my appointment with MFM and the diabetes educator last week and have been testing my sugar for over a week now.

For the most part, my levels have been good.  There are a few  tricky things that following the diet does not help with, and I’m still trying to figure out everything I can and can not eat. Here’s what I’ve learned in the first week.

1.  I must eat all whole grains.  If I eat anything that is processed at all (I had garden pasta one night, and a flour tortilla another night), my sugar levels go through the roof.

2.  I can’t have any cereal in the morning (not even a whole grain cereal).  I only had 1 serving of starch and it was whole grain, along with my milk and protein, and my sugar levels went through the roof.

3.  If my sugar is high at night, it will be low in the morning. If my sugar is low at night, it will be higher in the morning, approaching bad fasting levels.

4. If I have my afternoon snack too close to dinner, my sugar levels will be high.

5. I have to over stuff myself at lunch to eat all of the food required, but if I don’t, my sugar levels go high.

So, what am I eating?  Here is a breakdown of my diet for the next 4 months.

First, a couple of definitions:

1. A serving of starch has 15 g of carbohydrates.  Examples include 1/3 cup of pasta or 1 slice of bread.

2. A serving of protein is 7 g of protein.

3. Milk is either a glass of milk or a serving of yogurt.

4. Vegetables only include those vegetables that have less than 5 g of carbohydrates per serving.

Breakfast includes 1 starch, 1 protein, and 1 milk.  For breakfast, the starch can not be cereal (not even a whole grain kind). My typical good breakfast includes an egg, 1/2 of an english muffin, and a glass of almond milk.

Snack includes 1 starch and 1 protein.  My snacks at this time are usually on the go, so they include one Fiber One or Glucerna bar and an ounce of cheese.

Lunch includes 2 starches, 2 proteins, 1 fruit, 1 milk, and 2 vegetables.  My lunches have usually been leftovers from a previous night.  Most of the time it’s 2 oz of chicken breast, 2/3 cup of whole wheat pasta, and 1 1/2 cups of cooked vegetables, with 1/2 banana cut up in 1 cup of almond milk.

Afternoon snack includes 2 starches and 1 protein: This is usually 1/3 cup of cottage cheese and 3/4 cup of cereal (a whole grain, usually Kashi brand).

Dinner includes 2 starches, 2 vegetables, 2 proteins, and 1 fruit.  This is usually 2 oz of chicken, 2/3 cup whole grain pasta or brown rice, 1 1/2 cup of cooked vegetables, and 1 cup of strawberries.

Bedtime snack includes 1 starch, 1 protein, and 1 milk.  This usually means 1 oz of cheese, 5 whole wheat crackers, and a glass of almond milk. I switch this off and on with 2/3 cup of Greek yogurt, Kashi granola cereal, and cheese.

So, in the morning, I’m starving, at lunch I’m over full.  I can’t win.

Oh well, 4 more months, and it is all to keep my little boy healthy. I can do this!

Separation anxiety

So, as you all know, my daughter started a new school a couple of weeks ago.  She did really great the first week, but then, on her second week, she started screaming/crying, she was so upset.  She didn’t want to go to school.  If she had to go to school, she wanted me to stay.

Then, when I wanted to go to Mom’s Night Out and I went to give her a hug and kiss good-bye, she started crying, “No Mommy, don’t leave us.”  Then, she did the same thing when I tried to leave to go to a doctor’s appointment.  It’s so sad to hear and see her crying because she doesn’t want me to leave.

Also, when I come to pick her up from school, the teachers say she has been fine all day up until right before it is time to leave.  Then, she asks if Mommy is coming to get her now, and she starts to cry again.

I don’t know what to do.  Everything that I’ve read says that separation anxiety should be over by now, but it is just starting for her.  I’m wondering if it has anything to do with her last tooth coming in.  I also wonder if it has anything to do with the upcoming arrival of her baby brother.

Any advice anyone can offer me would be greatly appreciated.  This very emotional pregnant woman can’t handle hearing her daughter cry like that all the time.

Spend-free month update

So, a few months back, my husband and I decided that September was going to be spend-free month. What does this mean?  We still pay all of our bills and buy gifts for birthdays and such, but we don’t buy anything extra.  That includes no eating out, no spending on frivolous items. We only buy what we need to get buy.

So, we are almost half-way through the month.  How are we doing?

We have not eaten out at all.  Well, that’s not true.  My husband is allowed 1 lunch out a week with his friend at work.

I had to buy school supplies for my daughter’s school (since I didn’t get the list until September already started).  That was expensive.

I haven’t been doing so well at the grocery store.  I spent $160 the first week and $120 the second week.  I allotted myself $450 to spend on groceries, and it is going to be hard.  I will keep you posted to see how that goes.

I had to buy birthday presents and gifts for my family too.

So, all-in-all, we’re doing horribly.  But, we still have 2 weeks left.  I hope I can stick to what I’ve been doing well so far. And, I hope I can do better with the extras.

Jade’s first day at a new school

My beautiful big girl is just that … a big girl. I already mentioned why we had to switch her schools at the last minute, and well, today was her first day.

At her new school, all the kids and parents wait on the sidewalk for the teachers to come out to walk them back to their classrooms.  While we’re waiting, Jade starts to get nervous as more kids start to line up behind her.  “Momma, pick me up,” she says, as I hold all of her school supplies and her backpack. But, I can see that she’s a bit nervous. So, I pick her up for a couple of seconds to get her comforted. And, the teachers come out.

Her teacher explains to me the process and asks Jade if she wants to walk back with her, or if she wants me to walk her back.  Jade grabs my hand (I had set her down to sign in) and clings to me. So, I walk her back.

When we get to the classroom, she heads straight over to the kitchen while I talk to the teacher that is in the room, hand over the supplies, etc.  She has already made herself at home with the toys.  When I’m done talking, I tell her I’d like to show her the potty before I go.  She reluctantly follows me, but is happy to see the little potty in the room.  She goes potty and washes her hands. Then, she heads right back out of the room.  The teacher is getting play dough out for all of the kids and has a fresh can in her hand.  She offers it to Jade, who pulls out the chair and sits down. “Momma, can I use this?” she says picking up a cookie cutter.  I tell her yes, and she smooshes the new play dough down with the cookie cutter.

I lean down and give her a kiss, and she looks up at me and says, “Bye, Momma.  I love you.”

I cried the entire way home.  I know, I’m pregnant and over emotional.  She is such a big girl!  I love her so much and I am so proud of her!  I just hope that she is in a good mood and had a good day when I pick her up from school in 2 hours.

I have Gestational Diabetes

Well, the title says it all. This has been one crappy week.  First, I had to switch my daughter’s schools, unexpectedly.  Then, I got the call that I failed the 3 hour test. My fasting numbers were normal, but my 1-3 hour numbers were 212, 207, and 154. I am one big emotional wreck.

So, first the story about my daughter’s school. Well, she’s 2 and since she turned 2, she’s been going to a Mom’s Day Out program that we love.  But, this year, because their enrollment is down, they were putting the 2 year olds with the 1 year olds. Jade needs older kids to thrive. She acts like those she’s around the most, and with the baby coming, I can’t have her acting like a baby. So, this year, she will be attending St. Mary’s Preschool.  It’s a great school, and it is where we were going to send her next year, but I guess we needed to go a year early. The big deal is that I hated leaving my friend, who runs the MDO program, and I wasn’t ready to spend the extra money.

Then, I found out I had gestational diabetes.  My doctor has referred me to the Maternal Fetal Medicine department at Winnie Palmer Hospital. I’m now just waiting for them to call me to set up my appointment.  I wish they would just call me so I can get moving on this and figure out what’s going on. I’m scared that I might need insulin to control my sugars, since I feel awful when I just have the smallest amount of carbohydrates.

Talk about an emotional week.

It’s a boy!

Can you believe it?! We’re having a boy!  I am so freaked out!

Well, we went to have an ultrasound and talk with the high risk doctor at 16 weeks, and we got lucky.  Our little bundle cooperated and we found out early what we’re having. It was very exciting.

I’m a little nervous.  Tomorrow, I’m going in for my 1-hour screening for gestational diabetes. We’re doing it early because I’ve been having issues with blacking/passing out after I eat some times.  It’s scary, but I kind of hope that it comes back positive.  Then, at least I’ll know what is causing it, and I can get it under control.

Jade is doing awesome! She sings. She dances. She asks hundreds of questions a day.  She sits down with books and reads them to me.  She can identify every letter already, at 2 1/2!!!

And, I’ve started getting a little crafty.  I’m making matching outfits for Jade and her cousins for when they come to visit this fall.  Each girl is getting a tutu (red, white, and black … for Minnie Mouse), and then each cousin, including Anderson, will get a shirt with their name and a Mickey head on it.  So far, I have 2 tutus done, and 2 of the screens ready to be printed for the shirts.

So, since we got back from vacation, I’ve been busy.  Between blacking/passing out, and playing and having fun with Jade, I’m trying to be crafty.

And, Thursday is Jeremy’s birthday. So, for anyone who reads this and knows my husband, wish him a happy birthday this week!

Vacation fun

Today is Jeremy’s first day back to work after vacation, and I’m exhausted.  He has been so great and so much help, if you ignore the constant nagging to drink more water, and the constant questions about how I’m feeling.  I’m missing having him around.  I’m a very lucky girl to have such a helpful husband.

But, vacations must end, and we’re back to the busy summer grind.  Today, Jade started gymnastics.  She had fun, but it wore her out quickly.  So, I’m hoping she naps for a long while.  Of course, part way through my nap, I got a phone call, so I’m up with no hope of falling back to sleep.

I’m starting to feel a little better.  I am still throwing up about every other day now, instead of multiple times a day, but it is an improvement.  I’m not getting over the utter exhaustion that comes with the pregnancy though.  I’m still waiting for that 2nd trimester burst of energy.

Well, no such luck on her sleeping long. She just walked into my room telling me that she had good dreams about Sandy and Zoe sleeping.

Heart beat

We heard our baby’s heartbeat today!  Oh, yes, did I mention, we’re pregnant, and we made it to hear the baby’s heartbeat this time.  We’re 11 weeks and 3 days.

I am super excited, but have been so sick for the past 7 weeks, and it’s only getting worse.  It is funny because I tried so hard for 2 years to lose weight and couldn’t, but since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve lost 7 pounds.  It’s terrible!

So, what has this pregnancy been like so far.  Well, at 6 weeks, I couldn’t keep down water and I was having bad stomach problems, so Jeremy took me to the hospital.  They put me on Zofran and that helped for a little while. I still felt terrible, but I at least wasn’t throwing up anymore.  That lasted about 2 weeks.

Then, I started throwing up again, usually about 2 or 3 times a day.  Always after a shower.  Always after a BM. Always after I bathed my daughter.  Then, at random other times throughout the day with no rhyme or reason.  I always felt sicker from 4 p.m. until I fell asleep.  I always felt sicker if I didn’t get a nap.  I always felt sicker if I drank water.

Then, at 11 weeks, I started getting the worst pains in my right butt cheek!  It hurts to walk, to stand up, to move.  Now, is it because I’m dehydrated, or something else, we don’t know.

To make things even worse, right in the middle of this, my grandfather died.

Now, this is significant, because my grandmother died 3 years ago, while I was pregnant with Jade.  Then, Sunday, I told my grandfather that I was pregnant, and on Monday he died.  I am trying to look at this on the bright side, but it is hard, because I LOVE my grandfather so much.  But, I tell myself, that my daughter was lucky enough to get my grandmother’s soul, and now my next baby is lucky enough to get my grandfather’s. It is a little comforting, but it doesn’t make me miss him any less.  Of course, at the funeral, my aunt had to point out I was just so emotional because of all of the pregnancy hormones. Ugh!

It does make me smile that I told my grandfather I was pregnant on Sunday and he died the next day, but at his funeral, a couple of his closest companions knew (and I’m not showing at all yet and they hadn’t spoken to anyone else that would have known).  That means, he was excited and told them in that one short day. My uncle told me he talked about how much he enjoyed our visit on Friday, too.  That man was such a great man!  He may have been grumpy. He may have been crass. He may have told the same stories over and over again, but he was kind and generous and loving.  Don’t tell my dad, but he is a lot like my grandfather, even though he’ll never admit it 

So, here’s to hoping this baby continues to grow well and that I will get some relief soon!

Fed up!

I am so fed up with feeling terrible. I would like to just have a few minutes where I don’t feel complete and total crap.  My poor daughter’s favorite thing to ask me now is “Mommy, does your tummy hurt?”

I am also fed up some people around me.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some very wonderful, helpful, and supportive people in my life.  But, there are a few who have me up at night wondering how things can be different. How can some people be so completely selfish and rude?!

I would love to cut out all rude and negative people from my life.  Can I do that?  Is it really an achievable goal?  Unfortunately, it is not.  So, I’m looking for ideas from my friends and fans.  When I’m already down and out, how do I co-exist in a world where these negative people play such a big role in my life?

On a more positive note:  My daughter is wonderful.  She is a stinker, and she’s taking advantage of me not feeling well. She’s testing to see what she can get away with. But, she’s 2, and that is to be expected. She’s also learning so much.  She can identify almost all of her letters and 0-9 of her numbers.  She knows about a quarter of the sounds the letters make too.  I am amazed by her every day. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a smart girl.  I’m going to Michigan in a couple of weeks, and I’m going to check my baby book to see how far ahead of me she was.

I love my family

I have the most amazing family in the world.  My daughter is so smart and so wonderful. My husband is supportive, caring (sometimes over caring), and loving.  I am so thankful that I have both of them.

I am also very thankful for my wonderful friends. I couldn’t get by without them.  We have been having a very hard year, and they have been there for us the whole way through. They say it takes a village to raise a family, and I truly believe this. The difficult part is that my family all lives very far away, and are not here to help us out.  I have never been a person who easily asks for help from anyone, especially friends.  It’s hard for me to not do everything by myself.  But, I am learning that I have to ask for help in order for my daughter to grow up strong in this world. I can’t do it all by myself.  It’s a tough lesson to learn, but I’ve learned it.

Now, just because I know this, doesn’t mean that it’s easy for me.  I still take on too much by myself, and I still struggle every day with when I should ask for help and when it is ok for me to do it by myself. I will probably struggle with that for a very long time, but knowing that I need to ask for help is the first step. The second step comes in baby steps. Each time I get the courage to ask for help, I grow a little more.

So, to all of my friends that are out there and reading this, thank you for everything you do for me. Thank you for your patience with me.  And, thank you, most of all, for everything you do for my family!

Mothers

Mothers Day is a big deal to a lot of people around  me.  To me, since I love my daughter so much.  To my mother-in-law and to my mother, because they live so far away from their children.  This year was special to everyone.

So, my mother-in-law has been in town for over a week now.  But, she got sick 2 days after arriving, and so we haven’t had the opportunity to spend much time with her

My parents flew into town on Friday, and we drove down to South Florida on Saturday to meet up with them and my brother’s family.  My niece, Isabella, was turning 2 years old. My brother was throwing her a birthday party.  It was a lot of fun. They had it at the Boca Play Station, which is a play lounge similar to Amaya Papaya and Peanut’s Playhouse.  Jade had so much fun, bouncing in the bounce house, sliding down the slide, and dressing up in costumes, especially the pirate costume.

Jade loved spending time with her cousin, and especially with Grandma and Grandpa.  After Saturday, we had Mother’s Day brunch with my brother’s family, and my mom and dad, and then drove back up to Orlando. Our 3-year tradition continued.  We went to an early dinner at Cafe Tu Tu Tango.  It was so yummy and so much fun, as always. Then, we went over to Granny and Grampy’s house to see my mother-in-law and deliver her a Mother’s Day present.

Now, we’re 2 days away from the MOMS Club Annual Banquet and there is still so much to do.  BTW, I was elected President of the club for next year. I have to make a slide show for everyone, but I haven’t been able to get the pictures from Becca. I’m so nervous we’re not going to have a good banquet, but I know we will.  We have a great board, all working very hard to make it special.

More to come soon. I’ll look forward to being able to tell you all about how much money we made and how much fun we had.

Teaching

I didn’t get to write yesterday, because I was substitute teaching in the 3-year-olds class at Jade’s school.  They sure are a handful compared to the 2-year-olds.

I have a meeting with the pastor tomorrow to discuss my future there, including summer teaching and fall teaching.  I’m excited and nervous all at the same time.

The Chef

I’ve made some really interesting things the past couple of weeks. I started last week out with chicken stir-fry, but instead of the awful soy sauce, I use peanut butter and wine. Much healthier and so yummy. Then, I made sweet potato cauliflower soup with Ribeye. And finished the week with a Shrimp Fettuccine Alfredo.  I also made strawberry shortcake, since it is the end of strawberry season.  This week, I made lasagna and barbecue chicken bites, and tonight I’m making pizza.  I also made a chicken casserole and brownies for a friend who just had a baby.

If anyone is interested in any of these recipes, let me know and I’ll post them.  Just comment below.

Next week’s post should be much more exciting. My mother-in-law is currently here, my mom and dad are arriving on Friday, we’re going to my niece’s birthday on Saturday, and Mother’s day is Sunday, so I’ll have lots to talk about!

Sweet Potato Cauliflower Soup

Ingredients

• 3 large sweet potatoes
• 1 head cauliflower
• 1/4 medium onion
• 3 clove garlic
• 8 cups water
• 1 teaspoon tumeric
• 1 teaspoon curry powder

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  Chop up the cauliflower into small pieces and spread out on a baking sheet.  Sprinkle with curry powder and tumeric.  Bake for 20 minutes, until soft, but not mushy.

Peel and cut up into 1-inch pieces, the sweet potatoes.  Add to the 8 cups of water along with the onions and garlic.  Bring to boil and cook until soft.  When done, add the cauliflower.  Separate into two parts and cool a bit.

In your food processor, process one part until smooth and add back to the remaining.  Now, since I’m feeding a toddler who is a lazy chewer, I processed 3/4 of the soup instead of just half.

Crock Pot Meatloaf

Ingredients

• 1 pound ground turkey
• 1 pound ground pork
• 1/4 cup ketchup
• 2 large eggs
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon minced onion
• 1/2 teaspoon ground sage
• 1 teaspoon ground mustard
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2/3 cup oats

Directions

I made this recipe for my family, and both kids and my husband all asked for seconds.  This is odd, because my daughter never eats her meat, let alone ask for more.

Combine all of the ingredients in a bowl and shape into the loaf in the crock pot.  Cook on low heat for 5-6 hours.

Made it through a rough weekend

I have the most amazing husband in the world, and the cutest and sweetest daughter ever. I had expected to spend the entire weekend crying, and yet I had a very good weekend.

Last September we had a miscarriage.  If we hadn’t have lost him, little Dewey would have been born this past weekend. Today, I would be holding my little baby. I would be struggling with breastfeeding. I would be dealing with Jade’s jealousy of the new baby. I would be in severe pain, recovering from the c-section. But, I would have my little baby … the sweet addition that the Breiding family needs.

My husband came home on Friday with a big bouquet of flowers.  He took Jade and I to the beach on Saturday, then out for frozen yogurt.  Then, I got to have a wonderful afternoon at a tea party with friends on Sunday.  To finish the weekend, we went to the Food Truck Bazaar at Avalon Park and enjoyed a nice dinner as a family.

I love my family! Jeremy and Jade are perfect.  I couldn’t imagine life without them.  They are everything to me.  But, that doesn’t change the fact that I think our life would be that much better with one more. Is that selfish of me? I feel bad feeling bad.

Yummy food all around

I’ve been on a roll lately with yummy food.  For the MOMS Club bake sale, I made a cherry pie, a strawberry pie, a peanut butter pie, and a chocolate cream pie. Last week, I made a pizza made with a cauliflower crust and a few days later, stuffed peppers.  This week, I’m going to make a black bean Mexican casserole, a lentil soup, cheese popovers, and cream scones.

I have always loved cooking, and since Jade was born, it has been difficult to do it.  She’s needy and wants to be held whenever I am in the kitchen. But, recently, she has been a little better.  She has a spot where she sits in the kitchen to “help Mommy” and she will go over to her own kitchen and make drinks to go along with what I am cooking. And, when that doesn’t work, I can satisfy her for 30 minutes with an episode of Sid The Science Kid.

So, I get to cook again.  I get to make yummy things and other people get to enjoy them.  I’m a little less stressed when I get to do that. I’m a little happier when I get to do that.  I like to make desserts the most, but I hate to do it, since I can’t eat them myself.  I really need to lose weight.  I hate being overweight!

On that note, I’m on week 7 of the Couch to 5K workout.  I still haven’t lost any weight doing it, though.  Ugh!

Oh, and I’m still not pregnant.  Ugh, again!

Jade’s first camping trip

The Breidings went camping this past weekend.  It was only 45 minutes away and it was only for one night, but we slept in a tent and had a good time.

We got there and found that the campground that was chosen (we went with LOK and so someone else chose the campground) was really meant for RVs only. The ground was gravel. Plus, the trails, the swimming spot, and everything “fun” to do at the state park was over 3 miles away … not walking distance.  Although, it was a pretty park, this is not a park we will be returning to.

We set up the tent as it was sprinkling and the wind was gusting, and Jade running around.  After everything was set up, we decided to try to explore and find the trail before nap time. I tried to put Jade down for a nap in the tent, but she was not having anything to do with it.  She just wanted to play.

We went and hung out with our LOK friends and decided to go find the beach so the kids could play in the sand (since there was a swimming ban).  On the drive over there (yes, we had to drive it was so far away), Jade finally fell asleep. We woke her up after a quick nap so she could play in the sand.

We had dinner with our LOK friends and SMORES (cooked over a propane stove since there was a fire ban) and headed back to the tent.

I was not feeling well, so I fell asleep. Luckily, Jade was equally tired, so she fell asleep too, although she fell asleep with her feet at the head of the bed.  She kicked us all night long and almost rolled Jeremy off the air mattress, but we all got a relatively good nights sleep.  In the morning, I got Jade ready and made breakfast (eggs and bacon) while Jeremy took down the tent.

We survived and we had fun.  I definitely look forward to going camping with her again, this time to a better campground, hopefully when there isn’t a fire ban or swim ban.

Toddler bed fun

For the last few weeks, Jade has been waking up in the middle of the night, taking off her pants and Pull-up, wetting her bed in one corner and then going back to sleep in the other corner of the bed.  So, we figured, she doesn’t want to be wet, and we decided it was time to move her to a toddler bed so she could get up and go potty in the middle of the night.

Jade does not like sleeping in her Pull-up

So, Jade has been in her toddler bed for a week now, and we have had a different adventure every night.

Each night starts out the same. I read her a couple of stories. I take her potty. She washes her hands. She brushes her teeth. I tuck her into her bed and kiss her good-night. I walk out of her room and she begins to cry a few minutes later.  “Momma, take me potty.” She cries in bed for a little while and then gets up and walks out, still crying, “Momma, take me potty.” I take her potty.  She goes, and I tuck her back in bed.  She repeats this three or four times before she finally goes to sleep, usually almost an hour away.

After that, when my guard is down, that’s when other things happen. For the first couple of nights, she would take her pants and Pull-up off, and walk out of her bedroom, and stand at the gate crying, “Momma, take me potty,” with the bathroom and her little potty right behind her.  If I didn’t wake up and get to her in time, she would tinkle right there by the gate and cry until I came to change her socks and put her back in bed.

After this happening a couple of nights, the first time I hear the “Momma, take me potty,” I have gotten right up and taken her potty and she’s gone back to sleep with no problem.  Then, the night before last, she woke up, didn’t make any noise, and decided to play in the sink.  She dumped and splashed water all of the floor.  She didn’t make a noise loud enough to wake me until she started to yell, “Momma, I need to wear something different.” So, I walk out to the gate in the dark and step in water. I think she’s tinkled by the gate again and turn on the light to clean it up to find the entire bathroom soaked and her little cup half full of water.  She had her pants off, but her socks, Pull-up, and shirt were soaked.  I changed her clothes, had her go potty, and put her back to bed and then cleaned up the entire bathroom.

So, I’m having a lot of sleepless nights lately, and I’m hoping that we’ll get through this phase soon.  I’m so proud that she doesn’t want to go potty in her pants, and I want to help her with that the best I can. I just wish she would sleep at night.

If anyone has any advice they can give me, please post them here.  I’d love to hear how others have mastered the move to the big-girl bed.

Adventures with 4 kids

I just want to say … I am not cut out to have 4 kids, and I know that from first-hand experience.

Lily, Anderson, Jade, and Madelyn

My sister’s husband won a trip to Rome for being a top salesman at the company he works for.  In order to go, my sister needed to leave behind her 3 kids. Lily is a very artistic 7-year-old. Madelyn is a very dramatic 4-year-old. And, Anderson is an adorable 9-month-old. So, my sister asked if I could come up and help my Mom and Dad with the kids while she toured Rome.  Of course, I went.

We decided that my Mom and Dad would take the 2 girls during the night and I would have Jade and Anderson (who is teething and recovering from an upper respiratory infection) at night. During the day, Lily and Madelyn had school, and we would all hang out together.

The days were fine.  We had a rough time with getting Anderson to nap, and Jade had a rough time too. We didn’t have an extra crib for Jade, so we tried having her sleep in Lily’s bed (the bottom bunk to the bunk bed).  That didn’t work out well.  It took me 3 days to break down and move her to the floor. After that she slept much better.

Anderson was doing great sleeping at night, until he was awoken by the dog or by Jade.  Then, once he was awake, the pain from the teething and the difficulties breathing through the stuffy nose made it difficult for him to get back to sleep.  Plus, not being around very often, I didn’t know how my sister is with medication, so I had no idea what she wanted me to do with teething pain.  My Mom, on the other hand, started giving him small doses of Tylenol and he was much better.

Oh, and did I mention, the day before I went up to Michigan, I got food poisoning.  So, I was sick, then had 3 sleepless nights.  But, after that, things were better.

3 girls never stop talking.  There was not a moment of quiet.

So, sick, tired, overwhelmed, and spending a week with my mother, I started to feel very emotional and down on myself.  Can I really handle having another child? Am I doing a good enough job for my family?  Do I take good enough care of my family? If we had another baby, would I be able to take good enough care of the family?  Would someone lose out? Do I have what it takes to take care of a family of 4? Am I strong enough?  And, the worst question I have is, would I be able to survive, if we lost Jeremy?

Ugh! But, I’m home now, and I am back with my husband. My daughter is back in her comfort place, and all is well.

Rough couple of weeks

I love my life! I have everything I could ever need or want.  I get to wake up every morning to the sounds of my daughter singing.  I get to stay at home all day and play with her.  I get to help raise money for some wonderful charities. I get to hang out with some wonderful ladies. I have a wonderful husband who makes it all possible, and provides me with the support I need.  But, sometimes, none of that matters and I just need to cry.

Jade walking Noise

Noise, our wonderful dog, was put down last week.  She gave my husband 17 long and wonderful years, and blessed me with her love for the past 5 years. She was my first pet, and I had never known that kind of love.  When I was working, at the end of the day, she would help me relax by sitting in my lap and letting me pet her.  When I was on bed-rest, she sat with me and kept me company.  After Jade was born, she shared her spot on my lap with Jade, making her feel welcome. She taught Jade so much. She taught her how to be gentle with others.  Now, because of Noise, Jade is the most gentle 2-year-old I know.  She willingly shares with others. She is a wonderful little girl because of the influence of our sweet Noise.

Then, last week, my period was 4 days late. But, we had negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test.  I was an emotional wreck. I desperately wanted to be pregnant.  But, finally, I got my period.  And, I didn’t have Noise to cuddle with to make me feel better.

And, after over a week with no accidents in potty training, Jade messed herself 4 times in one morning, while we were out and about. One time, she was with Jeremy, playing, and I was out saying hello to my friends.  He hands her to me and says “Fix your daughter.”  Not realizing she was wet, I grabbed her, and got urine all over myself.  So, I went and cleaned her up and got her clothes changed, but for the rest of the party,  I had to sit in a wet shirt for the rest of the morning.

As you can see, none of these things are big deals. There are so many people out there that are not happy and that have a lot of terrible things going on. I am not one of those people. I am happy.  I have everything.  But, I had a rough week.  Luckily, knowing that I have a wonderful daughter, a super husband, and great friends, I can get through this rough week and come out on the other side an even better and happier person.

Noise, we miss you and will always love you.

In 3 years…

I married this man.

I tolerated this man.

Most importantly, he gave  me this.

Happy 3rd Anniversary, muffin! I love you!

Chili Cookoff

We did the Orlando Chili cookoff this past weekend, and boy was it a big fail!!!

I cooked 10 gallons of my borracho chili, starting on Tuesday when I started cooking the beans.   It took all my free time for the entire week, but I got it all made.  Saturday morning, we got out there an hour or so later than expected and got our booth set up and ready to go.  We were Beauty and the Beans with The Drunken Turkey Chili.

The gates opened at noon, and before 2 p.m., we were out of chili.  Voting finished at 4 p.m. and the awards ceremony was at 5 p.m., so we had to sit around with nothing to offer for 3 hours.  To make matters worse, we had Jade with us.  Luckily, our good friend Amy came out with 2 of her 3 kids and took Jade away for an hour to play in the kids zone.  But, from 9 a.m. until noon, we had to set up our booth, heat up the chili, and prepare for the masses of people with a 2-year-old running around.  Then, at 1:30 p.m., when it was supposed to be nap time, she had to wait until our chili ran out so that I could put her into the stroller and walk her around to get her to nap.  After 15 minutes of walking, she finally fell asleep, only to wake up 40 minutes later.

In total, we got 7 votes for our chili, although tons of people said it was the best they tasted.  Many walked away eating only to turn around to ask what that special spice was that they were tasting, because they had never tasted anything like that before.  We had bunches of people start to walk by, here it was turkey, and grab a sample, all excited.  But, we only got 7 votes.

So, come 5 p.m., we knew we weren’t going to win the $500, but thought we might have a good chance for a trophy, since our chili was the most flavorful there.  But, after waiting through every single award, they got to the open category, and we were not a winner.

So, I’m pretty confident we won’t be doing that again.  1000 lucky people got to taste my chili.  But, if we’re lucky, next year we’ll have a 3 or 4 month old, and I will not be in the mood to sit out in the dust bowl chasing around a 3-year-old while trying to serve my chili to a bunch of people who won’t vote for me anyway.

Am I bitter?  A little.  I think I’m more just worn out from the experience.  I need a few days to put it behind me and then I might feel better about it.  Until then, I’m going to sound like the sore loser.  And, that’s OK with me.

Recipe posted

I know I haven’t written in a while, but I’m super busy, so this will be quick.  My mass was benign.  The pulmonologist is just going to re-test me in 6 months.  Everything is going well.  And, I just posted the Neapolitan Cupcake recipe from Valentine’s Day, so please enjoy!

Neapolitan Cupcakes

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/2 cup All Purpose Flour
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon Baking Powder
• 24 ounce strawberries
• 1/4 cup milk
• 6 large egg whites
• 1 tablespoon vanilla
• 2 1/4 cups cake flour, sifted
• 1 3/4 cups sugar
• 4 teaspoons Baking Powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 12 tablespoons butter, softened

Directions

This is a great recipe for cupcakes, and everyone loved them!  I top them with a good buttercream frosting, for the white part.

First, make the brownies …

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Line your muffin tin with cupcake cups.
2. In a large saucepan, melt 1/2 cup butter. Remove from heat, and stir in sugar, eggs, and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Beat in 1/3 cup cocoa, 1/2 cup flour, salt, and baking powder.
3. Spoon batter to half-fill the cupcake cups.

Then, make the strawberry cake …

1. Hull, slice, and toss fresh strawberries with a teaspoon of sugar and let sit for a couple of hours to allow to get juicy. OR Thaw frozen strawberries in whatever form (sliced, whole, etc) and in whatever container/bag you have them in. Pour into a fine strainer placed over a bowl and let sit. Lightly toss the strawberries occasionally to remove any pockets of excess liquid. Reserve the liquid for another use or discard.
2. Place strawberries in a food processor or blender and puree.
3. Reserve 3/4 cup puree for the cake. Use leftover puree to fill the cake or fold into the frosting, if desired. It’s also fabulous spooned over ice cream… and eaten straight with a spoon.
4. In small bowl, combine puree, milk, egg, vanilla and mix with fork until well blended. In bowl of stand mixer, add sifted flour, sugar, baking powder and salt and mix to combine. Continue beating at slow speed and add butter. Mix until combined and resembling moist crumbs.
5. Add liquids and beat at medium speed for about 1 minute or until full and evenly combined. Stop mixer to scrape down the sides of the bowl and hand beat for 30 more seconds.
6. Spoon the batter on top of the brownie batter in the cups.
7. Bake for about 25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean (time will vary). Let cakes rest in pan for about 10 minutes before removing from pan. Let cakes cool completely (about 2 hours).